I’m not “sucking up”…

Let me just start by saying no one has accused me of sucking up or anything like that at all.

That’s not what this post is about.

I’m tired of good, amazing things that go unsaid because it may seem like sucking up, or being fake, or whatever.

A lot of really important things get swept under the rug because generally people just don’t say “hey, I think you’re really compassionate, and empathetic.”

I’ve been trying to.

Those good, pure things that give me hope in humanity that I witness in my friends, my family, my coworkers, strangers, anyone I cross paths with… I think it’s really important for them to know that those things about them that they think are hidden in shadow, 100% deserves to be brought to the light.

It doesn’t go unnoticed. I see it; I’m sure many others do, too.

I don’t even have the right words to express the gratitude of meeting some really amazing and compassionate people.

I think if more people knew how much those things about them are so… needed. I don’t know how else to put that. God, do we need more people that have good intentions, and a passion to help others so much that sometimes it feels like you’re pouring from an empty cup… a thousand times over.

Like… that’s amazing.

Especially just doing your best every single day and having the best intentions at heart.

And it would break my heart to know how many people that read this celebrate being able to make it to their car before breaking down, or just sitting there feeling so… drained before breathing in the courage to go home and try to shake it off at the door.

I heard somewhere:

Work ever kicked your a$s so bad, you drive home in silence?

Yeah, I’ve felt that.

I make playlists to hype myself up for the day. It’s the most ridiculous stuff too – songs that make me laugh.

Sometimes, by the end of the day, that hype meter has depleted completely and we on E. We feel it too.

Man, do we feel it.

Yet day after day you show up, and you do it again and again because you are good.

That’s STRENGTH. I respect it so much.

And you/they deserve to be told as such. ❤️

I hope that anyone reading this can find ways to fill their cup not day by day with Disney karaoke on the drive to work, but by taking care of themselves. I’m trying very hard to practice this as well. It’s easier said than done.

I try to set boundaries for myself and my mental health. I try to be as honest with myself as possible so that I don’t empty my cup again. I think you know how badly that sucks.

Sometimes when there’s a lot of different noises happening around me at once, I just say “too many noises; I’m getting overwhelmed” AND I LEAVE. I am absolutely not ABOVE taking a bathroom break to get some space.

I’ve learned that about myself. I wouldn’t tell anyone because it felt really awkward and I felt like I would be judged for getting overwhelmed by too much stimuli.

I have also learned that somebody judging me is 1. Not someone that has my best intentions at heart and 2. Not nearly as important as my mental health.

I know I’m rambling.

I just want to say that I have met and encountered so many amazing people, and I’m going to keep letting y’all know about it.

And please, please, please take care of yourselves. I could use the reminder more than I’d like to admit.

I’m still in dream-world 😖

Nobody here really knows this about me, but I truly hate asking for money. Before recently, I very rarely did. But I know when I need help, and it would be stupid of me at this point to not at least try. I never know what rich stranger is enjoying my blog or TikTok or Twitter and has some extra money to spare. But just to clarify, I do work full time and I am doing my damndest to make the money I need to move closer to my job. I reason that I shouldn’t feel guilty or embarrassed for asking for help if someone else has the means.

Yesterday was hard from the get-go. I did not get breakfast before I made the drive to my work, and for those of you that take basically any medication, that’s a quick way to make yourself sick. I can tell you from experience that taking antidepressants on an empty stomach is not a good time.

So there I was, not having a good time. I was able to get breakfast not long after I got to work (because my coworkers are amazing & understanding), so I felt better after that.

However, I was super exhausted ALL DAY, despite getting enough sleep the night before. I was exhausted mentally and physically, and the new insoles in my shoes did nothing to ease the constant cramping in my feet from being on them all day/every day.

Around noon, I started to get a migraine. I didn’t know it then; I just thought it was from trying a new multi-vitamin that morning or not drinking enough water.

The moment I got home, I really couldn’t do much else besides lay in bed. I fell asleep in my uniform, even.

So here I am, many hours later, drinking plenty of water & hoping the migraine is done with me.

I Don’t Regret A Thing.

I remember the moment in my life, where I made the CONSCIOUS decision to become a “bad” kid, very distinctly.

It was in kindergarten. My class had some sort of reward….system? I don’t know. It was a f*ckn 3 row chart on the chalkboard. I don’t really remember the details except that one column was good behavior, one column was “yellow” or could-use-some-work behavior, and “red” – BAD behavior.

I never did anything wrong. I was quiet and AT LEAST indifferent, if not nice. (I say it like that because I can never really imagine a time when I was… “nice” or “sweet” – perhaps before I could talk?)

I remember sitting there, in the dim classroom (nap time?), staring at that chart on the board. And I looked at the names on the bad-behavior side, and I thought to myself, “Self, those kids are getting tons of attention for acting out…”

Followed by, “I don’t get any attention for my good behavior. I follow all the rules, and for what?”

AND SO,

A MONSTER WAS BORN.

My first act of rebellion: I was walking down the hall (single file, like the sweet, cherubic angel that I am), and as we passed a fourth grade teacher (fairly certain she still hates me), I stuck my tongue out at her.

That was the first time I lost my recess.

An Actual Blog Post?

Yep. It’s about time. I don’t want this to JUST be a graphic resource dump. I’ve been contemplating how personal I want to make this website, blog or not. I think I’ve decided to make it as personal as I feel like it at the time. If I feel like sharing photos from my life? Ima go for it. If I feel like just posting a bunch of graphics and ignoring my feelings? I’ll do that too. Basically, I’m going to do what makes me happy – and that’s subject to change.

So here’s a little more about me. I’m 28 (I think…1992). I’m a full-time college student majoring in Social Work and minoring in Psychology. I work in the mental health field full-time currently and may continue to do so as my career. I haven’t decided yet. I have a passion for geriatrics, so we’ll see.

I live with my boyfriend, Luke. He is honestly the greatest thing I’ve ever had and I never plan to give it up or take it for granted. Will I post an overload of pictures of his handsome self? Probably.

I have the best family. My parents are so loving and supportive, my siblings have always had my back, and now I have three nieces to love and adore. Will I post pictures of my nieces? Probably not. That is for their own safety. If you know me personally, you have me on Facebook and see all of the baby pictures anyway.

Okay, I think that’s enough sharing for now. I’m waiting on my mom to bring me more face masks for my shift at work tonight.

What I’ve Been Doing…

Well, I have not received much help with my Photoshop question, so it’s been very difficult to make anything in Photoshop. Has that stopped me? Not really. But it has hindered me quite a bit. I recently ordered a few books that I’m going to read and review here for the blog. I love doing book reviews because a lot of the authors I write reviews for really appreciate the review and sometimes will reach out and send out ARCs. Reviews help authors and artists out way more than we realize, so I encourage everyone to do the same.

The books I ordered are:

From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout (favorite author)

First World: A Walker Saga Book One by Jaymin Eve

The Last Hours: Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare (favorite author)

Royal Watch by Stacey Marie Brown (FAVORITE AUTHOR!!!!!!)

Stay tuned for these reviews once I finish each book (keep in mind, I’m a full time college student and full time “essential” worker). Please please please check out these authors and their work. The only author I’m not too familiar with is Jaymin Eve, but I’ve heard nothing but good things. Click on the book titles to open a new window to the amazon page where I purchased each book.

Hopefully, I can figure this Photoshop thing out soon and be able to get some graphic resources up for use!

Welcome!

Welcome, visitors! Somehow, you’ve stumbled upon my own little slice of the World Wide Web. Congrats, I think. Anyway, here, I have plans to make this into a resource blog for fellow graphic/web designers. I’ll have lots of different content as soon as I figure a few things out in Photoshop. Stay tuned!