I’m not “sucking up”…

Let me just start by saying no one has accused me of sucking up or anything like that at all.

That’s not what this post is about.

I’m tired of good, amazing things that go unsaid because it may seem like sucking up, or being fake, or whatever.

A lot of really important things get swept under the rug because generally people just don’t say “hey, I think you’re really compassionate, and empathetic.”

I’ve been trying to.

Those good, pure things that give me hope in humanity that I witness in my friends, my family, my coworkers, strangers, anyone I cross paths with… I think it’s really important for them to know that those things about them that they think are hidden in shadow, 100% deserves to be brought to the light.

It doesn’t go unnoticed. I see it; I’m sure many others do, too.

I don’t even have the right words to express the gratitude of meeting some really amazing and compassionate people.

I think if more people knew how much those things about them are so… needed. I don’t know how else to put that. God, do we need more people that have good intentions, and a passion to help others so much that sometimes it feels like you’re pouring from an empty cup… a thousand times over.

Like… that’s amazing.

Especially just doing your best every single day and having the best intentions at heart.

And it would break my heart to know how many people that read this celebrate being able to make it to their car before breaking down, or just sitting there feeling so… drained before breathing in the courage to go home and try to shake it off at the door.

I heard somewhere:

Work ever kicked your a$s so bad, you drive home in silence?

Yeah, I’ve felt that.

I make playlists to hype myself up for the day. It’s the most ridiculous stuff too – songs that make me laugh.

Sometimes, by the end of the day, that hype meter has depleted completely and we on E. We feel it too.

Man, do we feel it.

Yet day after day you show up, and you do it again and again because you are good.

That’s STRENGTH. I respect it so much.

And you/they deserve to be told as such. ❤️

I hope that anyone reading this can find ways to fill their cup not day by day with Disney karaoke on the drive to work, but by taking care of themselves. I’m trying very hard to practice this as well. It’s easier said than done.

I try to set boundaries for myself and my mental health. I try to be as honest with myself as possible so that I don’t empty my cup again. I think you know how badly that sucks.

Sometimes when there’s a lot of different noises happening around me at once, I just say “too many noises; I’m getting overwhelmed” AND I LEAVE. I am absolutely not ABOVE taking a bathroom break to get some space.

I’ve learned that about myself. I wouldn’t tell anyone because it felt really awkward and I felt like I would be judged for getting overwhelmed by too much stimuli.

I have also learned that somebody judging me is 1. Not someone that has my best intentions at heart and 2. Not nearly as important as my mental health.

I know I’m rambling.

I just want to say that I have met and encountered so many amazing people, and I’m going to keep letting y’all know about it.

And please, please, please take care of yourselves. I could use the reminder more than I’d like to admit.

I’m still in dream-world 😖

Nobody here really knows this about me, but I truly hate asking for money. Before recently, I very rarely did. But I know when I need help, and it would be stupid of me at this point to not at least try. I never know what rich stranger is enjoying my blog or TikTok or Twitter and has some extra money to spare. But just to clarify, I do work full time and I am doing my damndest to make the money I need to move closer to my job. I reason that I shouldn’t feel guilty or embarrassed for asking for help if someone else has the means.

Yesterday was hard from the get-go. I did not get breakfast before I made the drive to my work, and for those of you that take basically any medication, that’s a quick way to make yourself sick. I can tell you from experience that taking antidepressants on an empty stomach is not a good time.

So there I was, not having a good time. I was able to get breakfast not long after I got to work (because my coworkers are amazing & understanding), so I felt better after that.

However, I was super exhausted ALL DAY, despite getting enough sleep the night before. I was exhausted mentally and physically, and the new insoles in my shoes did nothing to ease the constant cramping in my feet from being on them all day/every day.

Around noon, I started to get a migraine. I didn’t know it then; I just thought it was from trying a new multi-vitamin that morning or not drinking enough water.

The moment I got home, I really couldn’t do much else besides lay in bed. I fell asleep in my uniform, even.

So here I am, many hours later, drinking plenty of water & hoping the migraine is done with me.

I need to move ASAP.

I just started a new job and I’m trying to move closer to it ASAP. Without going into detail, my living situation is less than ideal. The gas to get to/from work is killing me. I am beyond stressed. If any rich people are feeling charitable, you can send me money on cashapp $spitefulcupcake.

I have no idea if you can scan this code like this or not but it’s worth a shot. I gotta move closer to my job 😭

Is it normal to be so drained from yesterday’s shadow work that I don’t know if I can muster the strength to do an exercise tonight? Or should I just do the damn thing

Looks like I’m beginning Shadow Work

I bought some crystals/stones today and some intention candles. I got Abundance and Positive Energy candles.

Boyfriend thinks I’m going crazy lol. It is as simple as this: this part of me, this spirituality I’ve never really explored or known about, RESONATES with me. It feels right, so I’m making it a part of my life.

I am very new to anything spiritual. Please tell me what crystals/stones I should keep on me and/or wear… any shadow work prompts… basically anything you can to help me with this journey.

I made a separate journal for shadow work. It’s kinda scary, but I got pretty into it while writing and decorating. I pretty much called myself out right off the bat. Writing it out and answering a prompt really opened my mind up to what exactly is holding me back.

I think it’s me.

I’m holding me back.

I realized just how many things I have used my mental illness(es) to make excuses for in my life, and what I could’ve accomplished had I not given up the moment something posed a challenge to me.

So, there’s that.

Hahahah ah this is gonna get messy, I can already tell. Oddly empowering to be aware of my own bullsh!t though.

Will continue to monitor.